HOW TO FREEZE ON PENNIES A DAY...

WITH MISTLETOE ON TOP!

DECEMBER 18-25, 2004

Heaven only knows what possessed Jay and me to attempt Christmas in the Missouri House, but the Fall and early Winter had been extremely mild and we figured it was worth the chance. 

The house had now been partially open to the weather for more than a year and I was worried that the damage might be considerable.  The neighbors assured us it was still standing, but I figured we better not chance another winter open to the elements.  So, we loaded up a U-Haul with all the collected materials and boxes of household goods we didn't need in Illinois and headed South. 

As Jay and I don't drive, we convinced two guys, Ray and Kenny, that we met at the Homeworks Restore to drive us down.  Ray was a good old boy from South Carolina with a slow, easy style that didn't respond much to suggestions that he get a move on. Ray and Jay were in charge of the U-Haul and in the course of the 6 hour trip, Jay knew all there was to know about Ray... and his family... and his cousins... and the town they grew up in... and most of the population of Beaufort County.

Ray was an amateur electrician and kept assuring me that he could rewire the house so that the electric company would never really know how much juice I was using and I would save a fortune.  I assured him that despite the high price of juice I wasn't about to chance the consequences of defrauding Illinois Power and refused his help, but he kept trying to convince me. 

I shared the ride down with Kenny, who made his living as an auction shouter.  That's the assistant that stands on the edge of the floor and hollers "YEPPPP!" every time he spots someone trying to bid that may have eluded the eagle eyes of the auctioneer.  Kenny drank a great deal of Coke on the way down and it became apparent that he was augmenting the Coke with something more potent each time he stopped for a pee break.  It didn't seem to effect his driving skills, but nonetheless, I kept a sharp eye on him toward the end of the trip.  We all managed to arrive in one piece and unloaded the trucks.

Now, the plan was that Ray and Kenny were going to stay a few days and help out, but when they got a look at the place, they suddenly remembered urgent business back in Illinois and decided to head right back.  All in all, we weren't too sorry to let them go.

The next day, I finally made contact with Tracy Calton, a local carpenter who had been recommended by a friend, and made plans to meet with him about getting the roof on the addition and the whole place closed up tight.  The next morning we awoke to a light snow and a serious drop in temperature.  And the weather just got worse, colder and bleaker.  Jay and I spent all our time cutting wood and stoking fires just trying to stay warm.  We tried to get some work done inside, but it was extremely difficult. 

Tracy Calton arrived on the fourth day and took a look at the job. He figured, 3 men and, at most, 4 days and agreed to a set price of $1200. He seemed a competent, honest man and agreed to start work as soon as it was fit weather to work outside..."This cold spell won't last. It's been so nice til this week."  He figured he could start day after Christmas and be done well before New Year's. 

So, Jay and I decided to try and tough it out. We kept plugging holes in the house with insulation, hung blankets over all the windows and doors, bought a load of firewood, hung up our X-mas Stockings, and said a little prayer to the weather gods for a warm spell. I guess we hadn't been good little boys 'cause all we got was more Cold and Snow; by Christmas Eve we would have welcomed a stocking full of coal.  Christmas Eve Day dawned to snow, bitter, bone-numbing cold, and frozen water.  Faced with the thought of no water to wash all those dirty Christmas-Dinner dishes (assuming we could get the turkey defrosted) Jay and I decided to call it quits. 

We got Jeff and Adrianna to drive us into town and leave us at a motel near the bus station and we called Jon in Illinois.  Jon and Michael agreed to come and get us late on Christmas Day, so we settled into the motel and spent Christmas watching the usual holiday movies on TV and feasting on truck-stop goodies. It was not a page out of Little House on the Prairie, but it could have been worse.

NEW YEAR 2005:

Mr. Calton has encountered problems with materials and the weather and we agree to put off work until Spring. He says he has gotten all the framing on the second floor completed and a roof on the low end of the living room but there is still no roof over the main house. I pay him $800, he agrees to come back to finish as soon as weather permits, and I give him the go ahead.

 MAY 2005:

After nearly a year and a half on the market, we managed to sell our house in Illinois to a young couple. At the last minute the deal nearly fell through when the young lady got cold feet and the couple broke up.

But its a signed contract, business is business, calmer heads prevail, and the deal goes through.  Jon, Levi and I buy a new house, a single-story 3-bedroom Victorian, literally around the corner, on Beardsley Street.  It's more money than I had planned to spend, but still a bargain.  Its all renovated with new systems including central air and it has a second house in the backyard, one room down, and one up with a bath, which will make a great rental. It was being offered by two rug merchants from Chicago who had renovated it for a quick flip and had priced it way over the market price for my distressed neighborhood.  Their construction loan was coming due any day and they were desperate to sell.  So, my realtor and I played a bit of hard-ball we got them to lower the price by 1/3 and we snatched it up.  My attorney even managed to squeeze another $1,500 cash out of them at closing due to some technicality in the contract. After more than 18 months, we are finally settled in our new house.

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